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Why shame is not a useful tool in children's education

Why shame is not a useful tool in children's education

To make the child ashamed, to make him feel bad for a mistake he made, has become an unhappy trend in parenting. While parents may feel like they are giving their children a lesson, in reality, the feeling of shame is, most often, far from helpful.

Shame can awaken in the child the feeling that he is incapable, that he is alone and can even discourage him. All of these have the potential to cause even more negative behavior. The role of the parent is to help the child grow, to develop in a positive sense, not to mentally hurt him.

"Be ashamed! Laugh at your children." We often hear these words spoken, but do they have the role of educating the child and causing him to change his behavior?

Shame and humility is exactly what this child teaches: shame and humility!

Children who beat or make fun of other children have, as a rule, experienced the same behaviors from their parents, guardians or siblings. The "lessons" obtained through shame perpetuate the cycle of shame, humiliation, aggression.

Shame and humiliation lead to negative feelings and a lack of self-respect

Studies show that punishment (including the tactics of parents shaming the child and even hitting him) will not lead to long-term beneficial results. On the contrary, punishments can have a negative impact on a child's self-esteem, confidence and general well-being.

Shame leads to the loss of respect for children from their parents

For a child to grow up healthy, feelings of mutual trust, respect and love are vital.

Shame does not help children to learn positive values, such as bad judgment, teamwork or cooperation. A child who is forced to bear his stigma: "I steal; you cannot trust me" will not learn that he must not steal.

Parents should avoid tactics that induce Russian children, guilt, hurting them

Not to use public signs to make them laugh, like specific outfits or to publish photos on social sites accompanied by comments, as a punishment for "bad behavior". They can, instead, induce the little ones to trust their own strengths. Moreover, by choosing positive alternatives and real life examples, parents can adjust their children's behavior.

Every child in the process of growing up will make mistakes

This is vital to the learning process. Instead of shame or humility, parents need to make an effort and teach their children to get involved and discover the true value behind their actions.

Creative parenting solutions, which are gentle, useful and really meant to bring about change, are numerous. It requires a little more effort, but I bring the expected result. It is necessary to know our children, to keep an open dialogue with them, to listen to them carefully, to be present in their lives and always ready to offer them encouragement. We need to make them understand that they are capable of doing good things.

Discipline that supports responsible, healthy growth does not mean laughing at the child, claiming respect without giving it to you, angering it. The real purpose of the discipline is to guide the children and help them to get on the right track when they have behavioral skids.

What are the alternatives

Instead of punishments, you can choose to get involved with the child in various educational activities. For example, you can go together to an animal shelter, an elderly care center. You can write a letter apologizing, explaining how he will correct his mistake. You can read books with positive messages. You can also give them a second chance. Ask the child how he thinks the problem can be solved. Show him positive models among the known and not only.

Modeling positive behavior is incredibly contagious. Kindness gives birth to kindness, respect brings with it respect.

Also read about:

How to help your child not be ashamed

Don't joke about your child!

How to understand the emotional sensitivity of your child

Tags Education for children Principles of education for children